


50 reasons why it's a Bad Fucking Idea to fall in love with Oikawa Tooru

by 3x3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M, This is smol, dw it's not very angsty, oh look suddenly i'm productive, that obligatory hanahaki fic every ship needs to have, the rest of datekou are vaguely there, truly a miracle, yes this is a hanahaki au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: A list by Futakuchi Kenji





	50 reasons why it's a Bad Fucking Idea to fall in love with Oikawa Tooru

**Author's Note:**

> so this has been lying in my folders forever, and this is like the third variation of this idea.  
> fun fact the working title for this is "because every ship needs that one hanahaki byo fic and nobody's gonna write for oifuta. ever. so i guess i hafta take one for the team (what team there's only you here)"  
> the only reason this is rated T is because of the swear words okay? i don't normally swear so this is so weird for meee

50 reasons why it's a Bad Fucking Idea to fall in love with Oikawa Tooru:

 

  1. He’s Oikawa Tooru.
  2. You know? Seijoh’s old captain? The asshole.
  3. You’ve played against him once and he was the actual Worst.
  4. You hate him.
  5. He probably doesn’t even remember you.
  6. Scratch that. He _definitely_ doesn’t remember you. Why would he? You’re just a random captain from a random losing team.
  7. Pining does _not_ suit your image at all.
  8. And you’d look horrible with a blush because Futakuchi Kenji doesn’t blush. Under any circumstances.
  9. This is not a shoujou anime.
  10. Pining gives you flowers, remember? Fatal, bloody and pretty flowers in your lungs. And you cough up the petals everyday, hoping that no one would notice.
  11. It’s pretty ironic that you’re getting Hanahaki-byo because you used to scoff at the cliched stories about them.
  12. You usually appreciate some good irony, but not when you feel like you just barfed up three cans of bug spray after each coughing fit.
  13. It’s going to kill you isn’t it?
  14. Fuuuuuuck.
  15. You’re a perfectly irritating little shit on your own. You really don’t need another one in your life.
  16. You’d eventually kill each other if left in the same space for too long.
  17. He doesn’t even know you he doesn’t even know you he doesn’t even know you.
  18. This is pathetic. You’ve gotta have higher standards than this.
  19. Fuck Hanahaki
  20. Someone’s ought to notice sooner or later, and they’re going to push you to confess, and you’re not okay with confessing because it’s not like it’s going to change anything.
  21. The funny thing is, most cases when the victims of Hanahaki wanted to keep their secrets, it was because they’re afraid they might ruin their friendship with their crush, but there wasn’t even a friendship between you and Oikawa Tooru to begin with.
  22. It must be a mistake from the Hanahaki God, because surely you’re not dumb enough to be infatuated with a guy that doesn’t even know you exist.
  23. This is not going to be a sad story.
  24. Kogane is the first one to notice, surprisingly. You’d think he’d be the last to find out.
  25. And, being Kogane, he blurts it out during practice and suddenly all eyes are on you.
  26. Shit shit shit is it too late to cover it up?
  27. They start freaking the hell out on you.
  28. You run, because what else are you supposed to do? Just let them interrogate you? No way in hell is _that_
  29. Club activities technically haven’t ended yet, and you bet your ass you’re going to get an earful tomorrow.
  30. Your lungs are killing you, literally.
  31. Or maybe it’s the flowers inside of them.
  32. You cough up another fistful of bloody petals on the sidewalk.
  33. Nausea.
  34. You wipe at your face, and the moist sensation drips over the back of your hand.
  35. You taste the iron on the tip of your tongue and you swallow down your saliva as best as you could.
  36. Someone is kneeling down in front of you.
  37. Great, now you’ve gone and worried a stranger.
  38. Now you have to lift your head to apologize, and hopefully pull off an act good enough to convince this stranger that you’re fine.
  39. It’s Oikawa Tooru.
  40. Um.
  41. You scramble back hastily.
  42. He frowns. You scowl.
  43. Now he’s lecturing you on cherishing your health and not falling over because of a bullshit illness like hanahaki.
  44. So you bark out a laugh.
  45. He doesn’t seem to appreciate your reaction, because his eyebrows tug downwards.
  46. If you didn’t know how much of an _ass_ he is, you might even say he looks concerned. Almost.
  47. At least he has the decency to realize that your illness is none of his business, because he backs up respectfully.
  48. When he leaves, he tells you, _Take care of yourself, Futakuchi-_ kun _._
  49. Fuck he actually _does_ know you.
  50. Your stupid heart still flutters.



**Author's Note:**

> look i didn't kill anyone and i'm oddly proud of myself for that


End file.
